Over the last couple of weeks, I have been frustrated with writing. Seems I've been caught in a rut. The problem is I really want this badly and I feel I'm going to hear this week. I don't think its going to be good news. You know how you get that feeling. It's not like I haven't been rejected before or will be again. And I hate feeling sorry for myself. I have always felt its a waste of time, but I haven't been able to help it. When you want something so badly...
I remember when I was probably around eight or nine I wrote a short story. The story was on the lines of Hardy Boy and Nancy Drew. I'll never forget letting my mother read it. My mother's critique was harder to take than any rejection I have ever gotten. This is a woman who loves me! She handed it back to me and said it needed work. Now that might not sound devastating to anyone (and really shouldn't be) but at the time it was to me. I thought it was great. I tore that story up in little pieces. But the desire never died. In school I loved literature, but it was science that I excelled in. Even in college, I still took every literature course I could. And finally a little over ten years ago, I finally became serious about writing. I was absolutely awful to begin with. I never realized how hard it was, but there is a drive in you. And I'm not exactly sure when it became an obsession, but it has.
I have been extremely fortunate. I have the most awesome husband and three wonderful children with the hope of adopting another. I have a job that I earn a good living. We have a roof over our heads and the sun is shining (at the moment- it is New England).
And above all-do you know what my husband did? His bonus is coming next week (yes, his company did well this year). He told me that if the submission didn't come back positive why not self-publish the first in the series. I don't know if I'll do it. There is a million things we could do with the money (having two in college). The point, though, is he has faith in me and my writing.
But in reality, the thought brought me back to what is really important. Will I ever stop dreaming? No. Will the rejection hurt? Yes. Will I keep striving to better my work? Yes. And do I realize I already have all I ever really need? Absolutely!