Thursday, March 31, 2011

Subjectivity- My Own

When I was a young girl I loved to watch the Olympics especially ice skating in the Winter and gymnastics in the Summer. At times watching the Olympics would become frustrating. Olympians I thought deserved higher scores would find themselves starting at unexplainable scores. Subjective scores usually laying with the judges' national alliance. I feel like that now, like I'm watching unexplainable scores and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Why you might ask? I have decided I have the absolutely wrong disposition for being an author. An author is never to show an emotion except to smile and say thank you. Never let anyone know you're unhappy with a situation...and never, never show weakness. To the outside world, you are the epitome of what all are trying to obtain. This world is to be envied. Successful authors seemed to live in a world encased in a facade of their making. Look at J. K. Rowling living in a castle now or Stephen King who gets to go to any Red Sox game he wants. I want that world. I want to be able to go to any Celtics that too much to ask?

If only I could learn their secrets to success. Does it take being ruthless and cunning to succeed like in Survivor? Not me. Never could be ruthless. Maybe brave and courageous like in Amazing Race. Not me, either. Scared to death of heights and the food they have to eat...nah...couldn't do that. Talented! Now that would be considered essential, but we all know it takes more than talent...just look at American Idol. Hard work, toil and sweat, perseverance, luck...bringing me back to subjectivity.

The authors I have interacted with have been the nicest, warmest people I have ever met. I love meeting new authors, talking and I'm so looking forward to the NEC Conference at the end of April. Though at the moment, I have begun to wonder about these people. Are they real? Think about it.

They always have a smile on their face. Okay...okay so they're doing what they love...writing..creating a different escape that others get to enjoy. So they're making money...they seem to be...Why the other day I read where best selling authors are switching over to self publishing. Seems a $500,000 contract wasn't good enough to sign...need creative control or such. These authors have people lining outside the doors of book stores just to get a glimpse of them, their signature, maybe even a photo. Oh, it's not like I don't get asked to sign my John Hancock at book stores...every time I use my credit card to buy those authors books, I assure you I do.

All along Facebook, my page is littered with happy faces and postings of new releases, book covers, book signings, new contracts. Twitter is filled with happy little sayings, funny and I can't stop laughing...obviously rejection doesn't live in their world.

I have decided I want their world. A world where it doesn't snow in April or even forecast Snow in April. A world where I can get a review and have someone actually read my book (ok-it was only one review- the others were great-love 'em, but I can't get over knowing someone called Patriot Secrets a I even have to explain...) A world where the Facebook Fan Page would work the way it used to. A world when I enter an online auction I wouldn't have someone outbid me $150 in the last MINUTE for an item I really...really..really wanted. (Now I ask you is that fair? Really, outbid me $150! Do these people not have children to feed or have to buy gas?)  A world when I send in a manuscript I don't get a DEAR AUTHOR rejection letter! A rejection is bad enough. I can live with that. Oh, but the disgrace of a Dear Author letter! A world where I can just concentrate on my next book, revision, or edits. Why, oh, why do I have to network constantly? Why can't I just write?

Writing is subjective like ice skating scores. Subjective- editors and agents say they are looking for something to jump off the page to them. I'm trying to figure out how the heck to do make my manuscript jump (literally or figuratively). Now I have to accept I have regressed. I have been reduced to dear author again after all my hard work, my books, my social still my heart...ignore the frustration and once more put a smile back on my face.

Face their world with a renewed fortitude, taking heed to their advice so one day I too can live in their world.
So I wait until some publisher or agent somewhere falls head long in love with my work and spirals me into that world. To boldly go...oh, wrong line...excuse me been watching to many Star Trek reruns, back to my writing...Until then I cling to my dream, my hope...until then I have to live with those subjective scores...

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